I do sometimes dream of the old days. It often comes to me, while walking the streets of Old Town, or sitting on the bench in the Prague’ s parks. I feel like in another century, I hear the quietness of those times. I see the people walking, slowly, somehow more cultivated and noble.. then my mind moves to parties, with interesting people, mostly mystics in the beautiful villas at Hradcany. I feel the atmosphere, the secrecy, curiosity, the suspiciousy of many and amazement of others. The families with stories, the braveness of their members. Discreetness. High language. New discoveries. Insufficiency. Desire. Interest. Strictness. And revelations. It is always cold outside and dark. Misty dark. The air smells of rain and horses. I stand and watch the light and warmness in the house. The many people talking, quietly. The women smiling with shyness, the gentlemen whispering to their ears. Drinking wine. Then the few sit by the corner aside and talk mysteriously. About the invisible.
I enter a room, with only a dimed table lamp. There is a lady in black dress sitting by the round table. Wearing fine gloves. She holds the cards and starts to make a round movement with them on the table. I know what will happen.. i try to tell her it is not necessary to read the cards but she acts like if i am not there. And i know it is too late. I start to run, out of the house. I am running the street and the figurins in shop windows start to fall as I pass. I know It is within me. But I don’t stop. The voice inside of me is telling- don’t run girl, you ve dealed with it before, you can manage. But I don t listen and I try to hide. I enter an office and hide under the table of secretary. She doesn’t understand. She goes out of the door and return telling me something and I know It is in her, It will get me. So I run and run, out of the city, to the forest. And suddenly I enter into the snow and I know i am saved. I look back and there are more of them hunting me, but they can’t go there. I finally reach the village. Old and bit strange and enter an old lady’s house. I did not want to meet It. I did not want anything to disturb me now. I know it is within me, It is part of me, but I didn t want to face It, to keep what I have collected at least for a while. I know It will come again. It is always behind me. It is causing my heart to feel the sadness. The pain. The heaviness of burden I must resolve.
I looked around and saw many people, heard lot of noise, people not having nice dresses, not talking decently, but having joy in their minds and easiness in their hearts. There are people who hold the secret. People who are the bridge between the worlds. May their heart finds lightness, the most difficult thing to find.